Reaching Out

I would like to reach out to all those who were sexually abused by women. I was sexually abused by my lesbian mother's partner when I was a little girl. I have been in intensive therapy on three separate occasions, all when encountering a crises in my life. Upon going to a therapist my first question would be--have you encountered this type of sexual abuse? All answered no. I was told that I should be able to find chat rooms or support groups online or in big cities. I have found neither. I was treated as a woman would be treated had she been abused by a man. The last therapist admitted that although there should be differing treatment plans, there were no guidelines when dealing with this kind of sexual abuse.

From the age of 2-6 I was physically, sexually, and emotionally abused by my mother's lesbian partner. My older sister and I suffered horrific abuse at the hands of the woman that was supposed to be caring for us. She was truly evil. As if this was not enough I was sexually assaulted by a friends grandfather at the age of 14 and date raped at 15. I left home when I was 15 and bounced around until marrying.

I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, had anxiety issues, and was borderline agoraphobic. With the help of a great therapist and the love and support of my husband and three children I am happy and physically and emotionally healthy. I still have bad days and still suffer from nightmares and flashbacks, but I have learned to lean on someone for support when necessary. I hope to connect with others such as myself and through networking we may be able to not only help ourselves but help others in the process.

This is a problem that is not readily accepted in our society and dealt with accordingly. Women are looked upon as nurturers and caring, compassionate people. Like men, there are women who go against the norm and defile children and steal their innocence. Only when something horrible happens, such as the case with Melissa Huckaby, does the media or society as a whole sit up and take notice. It then seems to fade away over time. People are generally unreceptive to the idea that women can be pedophiles. They are just as capable of committing atrocious acts against children as men are.







Monday, March 28, 2011

Scars


"It has been said that time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue, and the pain lessens, but it is never gone."

                                                                                                                               Rose Kennedy


In my experience time does help heal, however, I agree with Mrs. Kennedy that wounds wounds are always there.  In my case they   have a very thin scar covering them.  This scar does protect my sanity.  The scars are needed in order for me to live a somewhat normal life.  When I refer to the scars as being very thin I mean that it does not take a lot to tear them.  It may be a story on the news, a nightmare, flashback, or just a seriously bad day.  Any of these things can rip the scars right off of the wounds that I have in regards to being sexually abused, assaulted, and raped.  When this happens I have to fight the depression that wants to consume me.

Scars protect us, they allow us to develop coping skills so that our lives can go on.  My emotional scars started out very thick when I was very young.  I did not think about or dwell on the abuse that I suffered.  This was a good thing, I couldn't think about or dwell on the abuse or I would not have made it out of my teens.  This was my protection from totally falling apart.  I had no family to turn to.  I left home when I was fifteen and bounced around from one house to another of mostly friends until moving back with my mother at seventeen.  My mother was not concerned with what had happened in my past, she made me feel that I was a burden when I moved back with her.  I carried around the abuse that I suffered in silence for years until it became too much to bear.

I experienced marital problems and started going to therapy.  It was the best thing that ever happened to me.  I was finally able to talk to someone about all of the horrible things that had been done to me.  The therapist helped me to see that none of it was my fault and that I could move forward.  With a lot of hard work, prayer, and the support of my husband I was able to start living my life without this big dark cloud over my head.

My wounds are scarred, scars can tear, but they will heal again.  I still experience pain from these wounds but it has lessened with time.   





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