Earlier today I was reading a story on the AOL News website. The story was about a Libyan woman that ran into the hotel where the foreign journalists are staying. She was screaming and shouting that she had been gang raped by government soldiers. While telling a journalist her story several government supporters, including people who worked at the hotel, tried to stop her. One woman who was part of the hotel staff called her a traitor and covered her head with a coat. Eventually the security force arrived and dragged her away. This woman had bruises on her face and body. Journalists tried to protect her and many were kicked, hit, and shoved away.
My heart goes out to this woman. What really disturbs me is all of the comments following the article that were questioning the truth of the woman's statements. Anyone that has been raped knows what the shame feels like and how much greater that shame is when repeating the events to authorities or even to those that we love. I can well imagine that this woman must feel totally alone in a country where women do not have the same freedoms as we have in the United States. Even here rape victims are often not believed or the rape is somehow made to be partly her fault. This woman will probably be executed or jailed indefinitely.
As a rape victim I know the shame and still live with it, often wondering if things could have been different. If I could have somehow avoided the rape. I have had thirty-one years to think about it. I have determined that yes, I could probably have done things differently, but that does not give anyone the right to force another human being when that person has clearly said "NO". I am not to blame for my rape, the rapist is. I clearly said no, he forced me anyway. I suffered from shame and did not tell anyone for years because I was afraid no one would believe me and I had no where to go, no family to turn to.
I know that there have been women who falsely accuse men of rape. We can not let this make us cynical and doubt everyone who comes forward. The number of false accusations is miniscule in comparison to verified cases. This of course does not include the vast number of rapes that go unreported, such as mine. When a rape is reported the victim has to relive the rape over and over, if they are doubted it is like being victimised all over again.
Reaching Out
I would like to reach out to all those who were sexually abused by women. I was sexually abused by my lesbian mother's partner when I was a little girl. I have been in intensive therapy on three separate occasions, all when encountering a crises in my life. Upon going to a therapist my first question would be--have you encountered this type of sexual abuse? All answered no. I was told that I should be able to find chat rooms or support groups online or in big cities. I have found neither. I was treated as a woman would be treated had she been abused by a man. The last therapist admitted that although there should be differing treatment plans, there were no guidelines when dealing with this kind of sexual abuse.
From the age of 2-6 I was physically, sexually, and emotionally abused by my mother's lesbian partner. My older sister and I suffered horrific abuse at the hands of the woman that was supposed to be caring for us. She was truly evil. As if this was not enough I was sexually assaulted by a friends grandfather at the age of 14 and date raped at 15. I left home when I was 15 and bounced around until marrying.
I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, had anxiety issues, and was borderline agoraphobic. With the help of a great therapist and the love and support of my husband and three children I am happy and physically and emotionally healthy. I still have bad days and still suffer from nightmares and flashbacks, but I have learned to lean on someone for support when necessary. I hope to connect with others such as myself and through networking we may be able to not only help ourselves but help others in the process.
This is a problem that is not readily accepted in our society and dealt with accordingly. Women are looked upon as nurturers and caring, compassionate people. Like men, there are women who go against the norm and defile children and steal their innocence. Only when something horrible happens, such as the case with Melissa Huckaby, does the media or society as a whole sit up and take notice. It then seems to fade away over time. People are generally unreceptive to the idea that women can be pedophiles. They are just as capable of committing atrocious acts against children as men are.
From the age of 2-6 I was physically, sexually, and emotionally abused by my mother's lesbian partner. My older sister and I suffered horrific abuse at the hands of the woman that was supposed to be caring for us. She was truly evil. As if this was not enough I was sexually assaulted by a friends grandfather at the age of 14 and date raped at 15. I left home when I was 15 and bounced around until marrying.
I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, had anxiety issues, and was borderline agoraphobic. With the help of a great therapist and the love and support of my husband and three children I am happy and physically and emotionally healthy. I still have bad days and still suffer from nightmares and flashbacks, but I have learned to lean on someone for support when necessary. I hope to connect with others such as myself and through networking we may be able to not only help ourselves but help others in the process.
This is a problem that is not readily accepted in our society and dealt with accordingly. Women are looked upon as nurturers and caring, compassionate people. Like men, there are women who go against the norm and defile children and steal their innocence. Only when something horrible happens, such as the case with Melissa Huckaby, does the media or society as a whole sit up and take notice. It then seems to fade away over time. People are generally unreceptive to the idea that women can be pedophiles. They are just as capable of committing atrocious acts against children as men are.
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